yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
