Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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