i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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