i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
