You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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