Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy sore nipples Batman
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
