Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
