Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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