Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
