I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
