im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They have beer where we have blood.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
