You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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