My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
