my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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