So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
