Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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