'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
