I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
