I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
