Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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