take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
