Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
