Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
