WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
