C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
