I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
