he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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