Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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