Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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