Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
