hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
