It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
