I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Holy shit dude........stairs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
