am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
