rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
