Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
