found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
