it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
