We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
