so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
