You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
