Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
