he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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