They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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