now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
