i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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