I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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