I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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