I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
