If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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