You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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