i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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