what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
