she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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